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​Love, Fear and a Tip from the Donald

20/7/2017

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Way back in the last century when I attended Ottawa Teachers’ College, Professor Stewart taught Classroom Management. He had a handful of golden rules, the most important of which was “You must always be in control of your classroom. Love works best, but if you can’t make them love you, make them fear you. Nothing else works.”

A little draconian for 21st Century sensibilities, but at its core was the truth that you can’t communicate if your listener isn’t paying attention. 

Nothing has changed. In fact, in today’s multi-tasking world, where most of us have the attention span of a gnat, the rule is even more important. If the listener is not with you, you're wasting your breath.

Consider the recent US election. One candidate had a sensible, coherent platform, but she was boring. She never even tried to get your attention, she just kind of assumed you were listening. Bet you can't even remember her slogan. 

The other guy had a sketchy platform and a sketchy background, but he electrified his base. He was outrageous, and of course you remember his slogan. 

So, what's the takeaway from all of this? Very simply, if you want to be an effective communicator, you need to get and keep your listeners' attention.

(More in future editions of the Friday Briefing.)
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​On Eating Crow

13/7/2017

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Do you like the taste of crow? I don’t. 

“I was wrong” may be the most difficult words to utter. But every strong communicator knows you need to eat crow from time to time if you want to maintain a reputation for integrity.

Just to be sure we are all on the same page, the expression “eating crow” means that one publicly and unequivocally confesses that he or she was completely wrong on a particular matter, especially a matter where he or she has taken a strong position.

It’s not easy. Admitting to yourself that you screwed up is hard enough, but to admit it to the world is a hundred times harder. Who wants to look like a fool?

We fear that confessing to a muck-up will damage our reputation and leave us feeling humiliated. The opposite is true-- eating crow will strengthen your reputation for integrity and let you keep your head high. More important, eating crow can allow the re-set of a relationship. But it must be done right.                

How is eating crow “done right”? Let’s consider some propositions:

1.  Eat the right crow. Be careful that you apologize for the exact wrong you’ve committed, no more, no less. Don’t try to get off easy, but don’t overdo it, either. An overblown apology will be seen as insincere. Be proportionate.

2.  Don't eat chicken and pretend it's crow. This is no time to be cute. Don't say what you don't mean.

3.  Crow does not pair with whine. If you're going to be grown-up about this, stop whimpering.

4.  If the crow is especially tough, marinate it in sage advice. The tougher the crow you need to eat, the more you need wise counsel.

5.  Eat the crow at the right time. Fresh crow is generally better, but sometimes it needs to age a little. Get a second and third opinion on this.

6.  Don't share the crow. If you try to blame someone else, in whole or in part, you’ll look like a weasel. If someone else should be eating his own crow, that’s his business. This crow is only about you and your integrity.

7.  Don't waste the dinner. If your subsequent actions give lie to your words, you’ve eaten a crow in vain.

8.  Don’t eat the same crow twice. Reflect on how you got here and what you’ve learned. Make the personal or institutional change necessary so you never have to worry about eating this crow or any of his close relatives.

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​Communicating to Win

4/7/2017

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As professionals, we write and speak not only to communicate data, but to advance ideas and positions. 
 
While this is obviously the case for lawyers and sales professionals, it might seem less so for accountants, engineers and others who, at first glance, would seem to be completely data-centric. Nothing could be further from the truth!
 
You become a professional by learning knowledge and skills which you apply to solve problems. Sometimes the solution seems routine-- for example, tying a suture, filing a tax return or closing a real estate transaction. More often than not, though, the solution is novel, at least in the particular setting. At that point, you need to "sell" the solution to the client, or to colleagues, or both.
 
Regretfully, many of us have a tendency to blurt ideas free-form in the fervent hope that a diligent listener will stumble on something useful. You may as well throw darts blindfolded.

In law, for instance, nothing is more painful than watching a courtroom lawyer drone on in hopes that the judge will rescue him, whether through pity or exasperation. That rarely happens-- more often it is, "Ms. Tiddlewinkle, I have no idea where you're going with this. Do you have a point?"
 
Communication which convinces is not a matter of luck-- it happens by design. There are principles, and they apply equally to written and oral communication:
 
1. Above all else, you need to be very clear about your point. If it’s not clear to you, you’re not ready.

2.  You need to understand who your reader (listener) is, and why your point should matter to him or her. Until that is clear to you, you’re not ready.

3 You need to understand the reasons why your reader might favour or disfavour your point. Until that is clear to you, you’re not ready.

4.  You need to understand why your point is an improvement over their current understanding. If you can’t answer this, don’t start the discussion.

5.  You need to understand the reasons why the reader might resist your point for social, political, economic, reputational or other reasons, even when they know your point is valid and persuasive. Never overlook this possibility.

6.  Don’t force listeners to figure out how to move from their idea to your idea. You need to build the bridge for them and walk them across.

7.  Protect your listeners' pride-- if you are asking them to change opinions, especially publicly, your job is to enable them to frame the change as their idea.

8.  Write out the decision you want the listener to make, and why he will make it. Not only is this an acid test for your pitch, but it makes it easy for the reader, once persuaded, to articulate why they have come to this decision. Many successful lawyers write the ruling they hope the judge will give, then work backwards.

9.  Throughout the process, never take your eye off the fact that this is all about the client, not you. Your job is to solve their problem and make them look good, not for you to grandstand. If a little glory splashes off on you, great, but that's a lucky by-product.
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    Norman Bowley teaches the Alignment Doctrine and the Client Code-- secrets to building the professional practice you and your clients deserve.

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  • Home
    • Video >
      • The Alignment Doctrine
    • Communication >
      • Elements >
        • The Golden Rule
        • The Five Essential Qualities
        • The Five Essential Questions
        • The Five Step Cycle
        • The Ten Commandments
        • The Ten Sources of Authority
      • Modules >
        • Modules A-M >
          • Avoiding amateurism
          • Change: Understanding It, Facing It, Profiting From It
          • Communication for Long Term Relationship
          • Communications Horror Stories
          • Communications that blow up in your face
          • Communicating toward success
          • Earning the Right to Be Heard
          • Gerunds, Mesolects and Other Arcane Terms of Art
          • Having a Toad Day
          • Healthy Fear
          • Hippos and Raccoons-- Deadly Underestimation
          • How I Moved From Doing What I Liked to Doing What I Loved
          • How to Be on the Same Wavelength as Your Audience
          • How to Pick Up a Porcupine-- Dealing With Difficult People
          • Key of Trust
          • Manipulation
          • Mastering the Technologies
          • Mining the Subconscious
        • Modules N-Z >
          • Quick and Dirty-- the 80/20 Rule
          • Sabotaging Your Message
          • Scar Tissue
          • Secrets of the Druids
          • Some Specific Approaches to Communications
          • Specific audiences
          • Symbolism-- the Heart of the Communicative Process
          • Talking to Yourself and Why You Should Do It
          • The Difference Between Leadership and Management
          • The Eyes Eat First
          • The Eyes Have It
          • The Lizard Within-- What Your Reptilian Brain Makes You Do
          • The Media of Communication
          • The Respect Deficit
          • The Secret of Authenticity
          • Thinking About the Kinds of English
          • Websites, Blogs and Newsletters
          • When you don't have time to plan
          • When You'd Rather Shoot Yourself
          • Who's your audience? Targeted communication.
      • About us >
        • Karen Bowley
  • Norman Bowley
  • FREE
  • Services
    • Keynote Speaking
    • Training
    • Coaching
    • Troubleshooting
    • Consulting
    • Writing >
      • Ghost Writing
      • Transitional Ghost Writing
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • FREE